Monday, May 16, 2011

Intro

(Intro updated and revised)

The other night I decided to take a long trip down memory lane, through the pages of my old diaries and realized how much I had forgotten throughout the years. As I was reading each page, I couldn’t believe most of the things that were written. But it was interesting to realize that only now I’m able to understand the meaning of some of it. Of course, other things, I’m still trying to figure out. Also, I haven’t written any journals in a while.

I’m going on 40 now. It’s been almost twenty-three years since the first diary I ever wrote . A bit more than two decade of love stories, self discovery, adolescent dilemmas, family issues, adaptations, social and cultural diferences...so many things, and so little at the same time.

The more I read, the more I realize that we never really grow up, we just move around, go to different places, learn from bad experiences, take for granted the good ones, but in the end, and even if disguised, we’re always the same person. I know for certain that I went through infinite changes in my life, that I saw things in different perspectives as time went by, but in the end, deep inside, all those things are still here, hidden in a secret closet in my mind. And whenever something significant happens in our life, we go back to that closet, and unaware of it, we open it and seek answers to our present issues. I really believe that in every stage of our life, the things we go through happen for a reason, and help us understand certain events that occur after. It’s as if a lamp was suddenly lit in our minds.
That is what I feel as I read my old journals. And I have noticed that, depending on the stage of my life in which I read them, different answers are revelead to me. The reasons I though had lead me to make certain decisions or the reasons certain things occured, change with time
It’s strange, but at the same time, it’s comforting because as time goes by, life seams to make more sense, the pieces of the puzzl seam to fit themselves in the right place, our stupid mistakes turn out to have a hidden reason that we only find out later on in life.

I wanted to reinforce this idea by writing it down, and not only that...It’s also a way to immortalize all those answers and questions, the intriguing events, the strange passions...so that in the future I will be able to read this and find even more answers to life’s question marks.

Every little detail counts in the little adventure through a woman’s mind in various moments of her life.

What I want to do is comment parts that I find relevant in my journals, since the very beginning, and make a retrospective of them in my current line of thoughts, based on my current experiences. It doesn’t really matter what my life story is, time and place aren’t decisive aspects here, although important. What matters here are the emotions, reactions, attitudes, decisions that took place in the different moments in my life. I hope a lot of women (maybe men too) can relate to these moments because that’s all this book really is about, moments.

My very first journal was written in 1987. And it’s funny that while I was writing this, the song that was playing on the radio was “Jack and Diane” by John Cougar Mellancamp, in which at a certain part he says “hold on to 16 as long as you can, changes come around real soon make us women and men”. Coincidences are interesting, as well as a valuable resource of information.

I will only select the passages that I remember having more impact on my life, then and now. The very first page of my debut journal goes as follows.