“You must be wondering what the hell happened to me. What happened was everything I ever asked for, so how come I’m sad? Because I’m leaving, that’s why. As you already know, Mike was told about me and wanted to call me and he did. It was on Friday at about 9:30 PM. It was really wonderful. He was sweet and caring and the next day I went over to the pool and we talked some more, in fact, I stayed there all day. That was when Claudia met him also. I’ve been going there to meet him. He asked me out on Friday but my mom won’t let me. Well, I still have time"
Before I proceed with this portion of the journal, a few comments.
I don’t remember the conversation we had on the phone. I remember it was very, very long and that I was incredulous that he would take his time to talk to me that long on the phone. My feelings grew even stronger as I began discovering him. He represented the ideal boyfriend, tender, caring, witty, intelligent... in other words, perfect. Of course later on in life we discover that things are not quite as simple, but to me, all this was perfect, just like a dream.
After I had written about the problems I was having with my parents, I went on to say
“... I really like him and I think it’s so unfair that i have to leave and never see him again. I sure will miss him. I will never forgive my parents if they don’t let me go on this date.”
I was being a bit harsh on my parents, but at the time, I didn’t accept it.
Generally, things tend to gain a strange intensity and proportion when you’re in love, no matter how old you are. But young love is very special. When you fall in love at the age of 16, you don’t care for the future, you just want to be there at that moment, to feel your heart almost bursting out of your body, and anticipating the arrival of this person that makes you feel this way. Suddenly, nothing else matters. Every obstacle becomes a delicious challenge. No war, no earthquake or hurricane can make a difference. It’s the most wonderful feeling, until, of course you meet real heartbreak. The only heartbreak I knew so far was when the boys I was attracted to do’ like me or pay attention to me. I hadn’t experienced the kind of heartbreak brought in by separation. Well, I had a taste of it once when I was about 12, but I got over it very quickly. I felt sad because I had left my sweetheart of the moment behind, but it was nothing that damaged my perspective of love and life in general. My family moved around frequently but as I grew, the results of the changes aggravated. When I left America, that was when my perspectives really took a blow. It was as if a part of me was being torn apart. I felt an enormous void inside and nothing made sense anymore.
Before I proceed with this portion of the journal, a few comments.
I don’t remember the conversation we had on the phone. I remember it was very, very long and that I was incredulous that he would take his time to talk to me that long on the phone. My feelings grew even stronger as I began discovering him. He represented the ideal boyfriend, tender, caring, witty, intelligent... in other words, perfect. Of course later on in life we discover that things are not quite as simple, but to me, all this was perfect, just like a dream.
After I had written about the problems I was having with my parents, I went on to say
“... I really like him and I think it’s so unfair that i have to leave and never see him again. I sure will miss him. I will never forgive my parents if they don’t let me go on this date.”
I was being a bit harsh on my parents, but at the time, I didn’t accept it.
Generally, things tend to gain a strange intensity and proportion when you’re in love, no matter how old you are. But young love is very special. When you fall in love at the age of 16, you don’t care for the future, you just want to be there at that moment, to feel your heart almost bursting out of your body, and anticipating the arrival of this person that makes you feel this way. Suddenly, nothing else matters. Every obstacle becomes a delicious challenge. No war, no earthquake or hurricane can make a difference. It’s the most wonderful feeling, until, of course you meet real heartbreak. The only heartbreak I knew so far was when the boys I was attracted to do’ like me or pay attention to me. I hadn’t experienced the kind of heartbreak brought in by separation. Well, I had a taste of it once when I was about 12, but I got over it very quickly. I felt sad because I had left my sweetheart of the moment behind, but it was nothing that damaged my perspective of love and life in general. My family moved around frequently but as I grew, the results of the changes aggravated. When I left America, that was when my perspectives really took a blow. It was as if a part of me was being torn apart. I felt an enormous void inside and nothing made sense anymore.